The Cheeky Bastard skewers Match.com
Now, I know this will be shocking, but The Bastard has a difficult time connecting with others. I just plain don’t care for most people I meet and I’m indifferent toward the rest. Even if I do like someone, I rarely let them know it. Personally, I blame my Myers-Briggs INTJ personality type. It’s right there in black and white:
“INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds and may have little interest in other people’s thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed.
“Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ’s Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations. This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation that most types consider half the fun of a relationship.”
I’d say that pretty much sums me up. So when I do find myself in want of a relationship, instead of going out, introducing myself and flirting with whomever is at the bar, I chose to shop online. Which, of course, brought me to Match.com. After all, Manhunt is strictly for sex, OKCupid is for people with no money and Match is for the serious types. Or at least that’s how I’ve always imagined things. Plus they have a better return policy.
I’ve been active on Match off and on for probably the last four years, and in that time I’ve encountered many, many characters. I’d like to share a sampling of people who have expressed interest in me, contacted me, and a small few I was desperate/drunk/insecure enough to date (once or twice; mostly once). Those who know me well will instantly see the hilarity. Those who don’t know me, well, you can just imagine.
All of the images below are taken from the user’s public profile. Keep in mind this is way they wanted to present themselves to me and the world. They chose this photo as the one that best describes who they are.
And now for my favorites
Clearly my soulmate.
Yes, who wouldn’t want a piece of that?
OMG! How could I not have returned his wink?
Yes, you’re clearly a very deep and complex individual.
I’m going to guess you’re a Montrachet kind of guy?
Again with the gays and the Ed Hardy. I don’t understand!
I’m sorry, but which one is the man in this picture?
Thankfully I’ve recognized that solo is the way to go and, when necessary, I should restrict myself to casual midterm relationships.